Becoming the Woman SHE Needed

I told her that we’re 26—unmarried, no kids. She was sad because she thought for sure we’d be married with children by now. That’s all she ever desired.

She asked me, “Are you happy?”

I told her yes, but that it took me a while to get back here—and not every day is perfect.

She asked, “How’s Grandma? You know I’m crazy about her. Is she still fussing?”

I told her Grandma is no longer here, and I had to adapt to a world without her. But Grandma is at peace.

Then she looked at me and asked, “Why did Mom and Dad let us stay with Grandma so much when we were little? I never understood that.”

I smiled and told her, “That was the best parental decision they ever made. Grandma gave us the foundation we needed. And after she passed, Mom stepped up in the most beautiful way. She’s been right by my side—encouraging me, reminding me of Grandma’s love, and helping me remember my own strength.”

She looked at me with excitement and said "Are you teaching? You always wanted to be a teacher?

I told her no—I changed my major the year Dad died.

She said, “Dad died?”

I told her yes. He’s gone too. She was sad because she always wanted to build a closer relationship with him.

I told her we made peace with Dad being gone. That the life she planned out changed—but for the better. 

She nervously asked, “What about our siblings? Are we close?”

I told her, “Me and Tia are so close. She’s my best friend. Tyler is all grown now, living with his girlfriend, Mallory—who I absolutely adore. And Tywon’s in college, still the baby, and he acts like it too. I always wished we stayed in one place growing up, but even though we don’t, we’re still as tight as ever. I’d do anything for them.”

She leaned in and grinned. “Are we famous or popular? Do we have a lot of friends?”

I laughed and said, “Well, the delusional you is famous—on TikTok and with my blog! But in real life, I have friends who are more like family. Just a few, but I wouldn’t change them for the world: Carledia, Jarius, Dedrick, Alex, and Nada. I’ve been through a lot to appreciate what we have. They’ve shown up for me in ways no one else ever has, and all I can be is appreciative and so, so grateful.”

Then she asked, “Did we ever finish college? What do we do now since you aren't a teacher?”

I smiled proudly. “We didn’t just finish college—we graduated THREE times. We earned our associate’s degree, our bachelor’s degree, and we joined the 11% of Black women in America who hold a master’s degree. And now, we work in Higher Education as a Programming Director, helping students find their place—just like we once needed. It’s a career full of purpose, creativity, and impact. It’s not the life you pictured, but it’s exactly the life we were meant to live.”

Before we parted ways, I looked at her—this younger version of me—and I told her how much of an inspiration she is. I told her she struggles daily with anxiety, but she's so resilient that no one - not even herself sometimes can tell.

Her fears have never defined her because she always overcomes them. I reminded her that she is WHO SHE THINK SHE IS. And no one, and I mean NO ONE, will ever change that or stop her from being the person God wants her to be. 

She gave me a hug and said, “Thank you. You are everything I ever needed you to be. I love you.” I looked at her, smiled, and said, “I love you more—and you are as beautiful as you can be.”