When Love Feels Like Grief

As women, we often grow up imagining the lives we’ll one day live. We picture ourselves as mothers, wives, partners in love and in life. We daydream about who our husbands might be, what our homes will look like, and what it will feel like to be truly loved.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you know I often write about love, growth, healing, and grieving. Most of the time, my words come from a place of grief, the kind that comes from losing people, losing versions of yourself, or simply outgrowing seasons. But this one is a bit different. It’s about love and grief existing at the same time — not in a mournful way, but in that quiet ache that sits in your chest when your heart remembers what it’s still waiting for.

So, let me put y’all in my business for a bit.

In my 26 years of living, I’ve had three “serious” relationships. My first was my high school sweetheart, my best friend at the time. That innocent “puppy love.” We were friends before we were anything else, and he taught me a lot about myself. He was the first for many things...some good, some not so good. But that was my first glimpse at what I thought love was supposed to be. Of course, it wasn’t perfect, but it was my introduction to what it meant to love and be loved, even if neither of us really knew how.

Then came college. I met the sweetest man, and when I say sweet, I mean the kind of sweet that makes you believe in good men again. He was everything a girl could dream of in a husband. But the truth was, I wasn’t ready. I had just come out of my first real heartbreak, and my heart was still too tangled up in the past to receive something healthy. He was mature, patient, and kind... and I couldn’t match that energy then. Looking back, I can admit that I simply wasn’t ready for someone like him. Now, though? I can’t wait to meet a man like that again. He’s engaged now, and I’m genuinely happy for him.

After that, I spent about three years single...at least romantically, if you know what I mean ;). And then, during my time at the W, I met this handsome man who I swore was my husband. Spoiler alert: he wasn’t. His love was, by far, the most painful love I’ve ever experienced. The kind that breaks you open just to remind you that your heart still works.

So yeah, I guess you could say I suck at love, or at least at picking the right kind. But even in all of that, I know what I want. I know the kind of love I’m praying for.

Y’all pray with me (and if your intentions aren’t pure, skip this prayer). I want a man who’s confident but humble, unafraid to lead but willing to listen. A man who communicates, who doesn’t leave me wondering where I stand. Someone who corrects me with love when I’m wrong but also accepts correction with grace. Someone who values emotional connection and isn’t afraid to talk about how he feels.

I’ve realized that I love random acts of service and little gifts, not because of the things themselves, but because of the thought behind them. A man who wants to cook with me, do chores together, or surprise me with flowers or a snack I mentioned days ago, that’s the kind of love that fills my heart. Someone who loves me for me... the good, the bad, the healing. Someone who’s happy just to exist with me, even in silence.

That’s not too much to ask for... it’s quite literally the bare minimum. But I crave it deeply because I’ve seen glimpses of it. And I’m not settling until I find it... fully, freely, and without confusion.

Sometimes, you find those qualities in someone and convince yourself they’re the one. But maybe they’re not, maybe they were just meant to show you what’s possible. The lines get blurry, and before you know it, you start looking for that person in everyone else, forgetting that it’s not the person you miss... it’s the feeling.

Still, I believe love like that exists. I believe in the kind of love that feels like peace. And if he happens to love slow dancing in the kitchen and singing with me to old R&B... Well, that’s just a bonus.

Lately, I’ve been full of this romantic energy. This deep yearning that’s almost overwhelming. Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s just the season I’m in, but I’ve been feeling this wave of love before it even arrives. But, when it does arrive, I'll be ready. Happy, healthy and healed. 

So, since I’ve let y’all all up in my business — what’s going on in your love life?

Authentically,

Tam